Personal Trainer

Here I am, innocently trying to work...hopscotching between 900 different blogs and Web sites and Google searches, trying to research the story I am writing. I always get a bit ADD during these searches. There's just so much good stuff to READ out there. (And hours later I haven't even requested the first interview, sigh...) When, to my utter annoyance, I am summoned to change a pair of poopy pants (Mama, she smells again....). I thought it was bad a couple of weeks ago when I was being constantly summoned to look at the bank deposits, one by one as they appeared. And having to cheer for each one. (Nothing makes you feel like more of a LOSER than cheering for poop.) But that was infinitely better than the backsliding, not-going-to-even-bother-trying-to-use-the-potty, week we've had so far. Why is potty training so dang hard? I remember (vividly) how hard it was with Big Stuff. The first time she recognized the urge and ran to the WC all by herself...well, I felt like I had just won the lottery. I knew it would be hard the second time, but you think to yourself, hey we did it once. We can do it again! But apparently we can't. I'm so over diapers. I've been changing them for nearly six years now. I'm so over cheering for poop, doing the peepee dance, doling out rewards (aka bribes) for every call of nature that gets answered. I don't like to hang out in the bathroom. I despise public restrooms. They are best entered only if someone is about to burst and exited as quickly as humanly possible. Small Fry will sometimes just melt into tears if you ask her to try to potty. Tantrums ensue. Irrationality takes over (I want the panties, I want the diapers.... I want my MOMMY) I am not into making her cry. I am caught in the oh-so-delicate balance of trying to guide her to reach a developmental milestone that she is obviously capable of reaching while letting it be her timing, her choice. Because eating and pooping are, of course, two things that mamas have NO CONTROL over. UGGGHHH... I just had a great idea a minute ago while emailing a friend. Potty Training Boarding School! I'll pay $1.4 million dollars to anyone who can have her fully trained in three days (HA, ha..like to see you try). Send her back when it's done. Thanks.