Friday, January 12, 2007

Am I actually becoming decrepit?

I am getting old. My doctor confirmed it today. OK, he said it in much nicer terms and with much more diplomacy, but the fact remains. Oh yes, and he wrote a referral for me to get a mammogram. A mammogram? Are they serious?? Didn't I just start puberty last week or something? Also, apparently I am not getting fat (20 lbs in 3 years - ouch) because something is wrong with me (I was pretty sure I had a tumor, an overactive thyroid or was secretly pregnant with a really overweight embryo...), I am just getting older. And it's downhill from here, by the way. I will have to work harder and harder, eat less and less each year just to maintain my weight! (See photo for what I will be eating for awhile) Did you know about this?? Don't laugh, I'm actually reasonably well informed about health issues, I promise. I just wasn't expecting this to happen so soon. To ME. I really don't intend to whine about it. I hate those people who start complaining about being old the day they turn 30. I had one friend who started acting like a Grandpa at the ripe old age of 25, complete with groaning when he stood up from a seated position. Please. (And then they try to draw you into their misery..."Aren't WE getting old? Can you believe WE are so old?? - Speak for yourself, bub.) I feel young, really 15. Well, maybe 25. But I'm hip. I'm all about music, clothes, spiritual exploration. I'm cute. I'm quirky. It's just that my body is not in sync with my mind and heart. It's like my kids whenever we go somewhere - the older one is always barreling ahead of us, while the little one dwadles and examines every leaf, blade of grass or piece of chewed gum she comes across. In my mind, I'm still examining life and turning over every interesting rock I see while my body, damn Judas, is barreling ahead, intent on completing the aging process in as efficient a manner as possible. Doc says I'm doing "Very Well" in comparison with many of his other patients. He says it takes many people by surprise, this aging thing. He's nice. But I HEARD what he said. And I WILL be mad for the rest of the day.

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