I was thinking today, while waiting in the carpool line, of the person I used to be, the person I am and the person I am going to be. (See previous post about becoming decrepit - this kind of news gets you thinking). OK, it was not the most in-depth thinking I've ever done (I only had about 4 minutes). But what I was thinking was...I used to be a much more interesting person! I used to think about things. You know, existentially. Now I'm mostly just a functional model of a person, and that's probably what I need to be right now. What child wants her mother to be interesting? Or eccentric? Or moody? No, what my children, and probably most children, want from me is to BE THERE. Be there to answer my question. Be there to make my juice. Be there to read my story. Be there to kiss my boo-boo. Be there, just be there, just be there. It's not that I've "lost myself" as so many women fear when they contemplate children...it's just that I've tucked myself into a box and placed myself on the shelf for the time being. I still feed that little heart beating away in the box. I give it food, water, nights out with the girls, the occasional lovely piece of literature or gorgeous sunset. It's just not out there on my sleeve at the moment. It doesn't make me sad, exactly...I just miss that girl sometimes!
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